Consent, Coercion, Deception, Strategic Ignorance

Let’s Talk About: Consent

Consent is a clear, voluntary, and mutual agreement between people to engage in a specific activity or situation. In healthy relationships, consent ensures all people involved feel safe, valued, and in control of their own bodies and choices.

Why Consent Matters

Consent builds trust and safety. Knowing that your boundaries are respected, creates a safe environment where true emotional and physical intimacy can grow.

Consent affirms personal autonomy. It allows recognition that everyone owns their body and has the final say about what happens to it.

Consent encourages active communication. Practicing consent requires talking openly rather than guessing or pressuring one another.

Consent protects against harm. Respecting ongoing boundaries prevents things like abuse, assault, and coercion.

Principles & Requirements

• Consent is ongoing, and not a one-time checkbox. Regular check-ins are crucial, even in long-term relationships or marriages.
• Consent can be revoked. At any time, anyone can change their mind. Even in the middle of things.
• Consent is specific. Agreeing to one type of thing does not mean agreeing to something else.
• Consent is free from pressure. It is without coercion, without influence of mind-altering substances, and without manipulation.

Consent requires capacity to decide if it is given.
Consent requires being informed of what is being agreed upon.
Consent requires being given voluntarily out of free will.

Common Types of Consent

This is by no means a complete list of the different “types” of consent you have probably heard of, but they are probably the most common.

Informed Consent

When all involved parties are fully aware of what they are agreeing to, it is informed consent. Knowledge of risks, boundaries, limits, expectations, etc. have been openly communicated. Without informed consent, ethically proceeding is questionable.

Expressed Consent

When consent is explicitly given orally or in writing, this is expressed consent. It is clear and direct and allows for no doubt on what was consented. Expressed consent allows the ability to establish boundaries, rules, and limits.

Implied Consent

When the actions or behaviors of a person infers permission rather than being explicitly stated, this is implied consent. Implied consent is often practiced in long-term relationships, where boundaries and limits have had time to be well-established. Implied consent must be used cautiously, as misinterpretation and misunderstandings risk arising. Without a solid foundation of trust and continued open communication between all participating parties, implied consent shouldn’t be utilized.

Dubious Consent

Stemming from literature, and often referred to as dub-con, dubious consent indicates that consent is unknown, that it hasn’t been established with certainty, or that consent was gained through questionable circumstances. While being a type of implied consent, dubious consent is extremely risky, unsafe, and ethically questionable. It is not something regularly practiced. In general, it is highly discouraged and associated with abuse. However, with glamorization via literature, it is still extremely important to talk about dubious consent and its questionable ethics.

Enthusiastic Consent

Many resources will talk about "enthusiastic" consent, and equate it will the only proper type of consent that should be given. Personally, I find this borderline gatekeeping, and I don't feel consent has to be "enthusiastic" in order to be genuine. I can give genuine consent and not be specifically enthusiastic about it. Demanding consent be enthusiastic does not allow for situations where there may be nervousness, or situations of indifference. There is nothing wrong or artificial about the consent being given if there isn’t necessarily an intense eagerness to be considered "enthusiastic." For that reason, you will never hear me personally use "enthusiastic" as a way to describe acceptable consent. Rather, I will always refer to acceptable consent as "genuine."

Let’s Talk About: Coercion

Coercion is the practice of persuading someone to do something by using force, threats, or psychological pressure.

Coercion removes autonomy by taking away a person’s ability to make a free, voluntary choice. It can involve tactics like physical force, blackmail, intimidation, or subtle emotional manipulation like guilt-tripping.

Even if a person agrees to something under pressure, true consent is absent because refusal feels unsafe or impossible. Coercion removes genuine consent.

Relationship Coercion

In relationships, coercion is often subtle and builds up over time, making it harder to recognize.

• Emotional + Psychological Pressure – using intense guilt, constant criticism, or the “silent treatment” to force compliance
• Threats + Intimidation – threatening to end the relationship, self-harm, share private photos, or expose secrets to force compliance
• Isolation – cutting a person off from friends, family, or support networks so they become completely dependent on the relationship
• Financial Control – restricting access to money, monitoring spending, or preventing a person from working to limit their independence
• Sexual Coercion – wearing a partner down through persistent asking, begging, or guilt-tripping until they give in to intimate activity

Coercion vs Uninformed Consent

Coercion does not automatically equate to uninformed consent, however both are ethical violations that often result in the same outcome, and commonly intersect.

Coercion removes free will looks like saying “yes” because of pressure threats, or manipulation

Uninformed consent removes knowledge looks like saying “yes” because of missing critical info, risks, or consequences


A person can be both uninformed and coerced at the same time:

• Deception as a Tool for Pressure – in relationships, a partner may withhold info purposefully (uninformed), while simultaneously guilt-tripping the other person to agree (coercion).
• Systematic Pressure – in legal settings, someone might agree to sign a plea deal without fully understanding the long-term legal consequences (uninformed), because the alternative threat of a max prison sentence is scary (coercion).

Let’s Talk About: Deception

Tricking someone into giving uninformed consent is called deception, and is a consent violation. While it lacks coercion, it relies on manipulation and lies to gain false consent. Deception removes a person’s autonomy and forces them into a situation they may otherwise have rejected.

• Destroys Trust – trust is a relationship foundation, and tricking a partner destroys that foundation. What was believed is actually false, and who was trusted chose to mislead. This removes the safety within the relationship, and rebuilding that is extremely difficult.
• Resentment + Betrayal – discovering you were manipulated into consent often triggers intense feelings of anger, humiliation, and violation. It creates a feeling of being used, and as if feelings and boundaries were just obstacles to bypass, rather than things that should be respected. This can lead to deep-seeded resentment that will erode affection and emotional intimacy.
• Power + Control – relationships should operate as an equal partnership. Deception disrupts this by creating a power imbalance. Keeping someone in the dark takes away their right to make an authentic informed choice, and it shifts the relationship from mutual respect to one-sided control and selfishness.
• Questioned Reality – deception often leads to self-doubt. The person who was deceived often will reevaluate other situations in the relationship and wonder what else was a lie. The psychological impact of being deceived often mirrors the effects of gaslighting, leaving a person feeling anxious, insecure, and disconnected form their own judgment.

Common Types of Deception

• Financial Deception – convincing a partner to agree to a major purchase or loan, while hiding massive personal debt or unhealthy spending habits like gambling.
• Intimate Deception – tampering with contraception or changing safety practices during intercourse, without the person knowing or agreeing (stealthing).
• Relational Deception – pressuring a partner into moving in or making long-term commitments like marriage, while secretly planning to end the relationship or maintaining an affair.

Let’s Talk About: Strategic Ignorance

Agreeing to something while consciously choosing not to know the details, risks, or truths is Strategic Ignorance (sometimes referred to as Willful Blindness). It replaces genuine connection with avoidance.

Relationship Impacts

Usually done to try to avoid conflict, discomfort, or difficult conversations, Strategic Ignorance creates a fragile superficial peace. True intimacy requires navigating differences together, and choosing ignorance means opting out of a real authentic partnership.

Willingly choosing to not know facts initially, doesn’t remove real-world consequences of that choice. When hidden truths or unaddressed boundary crosses come to light, its usually met with deep resentment. Consciously agreeing to be left in the dark doesn’t necessarily remove feelings of abandonment blind sightedness, or feelings of being treated unfairly.

Completely checking out of decision-making processes shifts 100% of the responsibility, mental load, and potential guilt onto one person. If things go wrong, one person carries the blame, which can cause them to feel isolated and weighed down by the relationship.

Deliberately disempowering yourself gives all control to the other person. Over time, this can cause them to stop viewing you as an equal decision-maker, and instead as someone they have to manage or protect – which can erode the romantic and respectful foundation of the relationship.

Why Stay Ignorant

Often times people choose Strategic Ignorance out of the desire to show “unconditional trust” or to people-please their partner. This isn’t actually trust however. Its disengagement. Healthy trust means knowing the reality and trusting your partner to handle it WITH YOU. Blind trust leaves both partners vulnerable.

Broken Protocols: The Dominant's Punishment

What happens when a dominant breaks protocol? Do they face punishments? How would these punishments be established? 

Preventing Protocol Breaks

The biggest tools to prevent dominants breaking protocols is proper vetting and proper negotiations. Vetting and negotiations allow us time to make sure the other person is a right fit for a dynamic with us. They set the foundation for us to build the dynamic. Rushing through these, or not allowing them to be in-depth, creates a rocky and unstable foundation. Breaks in protocol that result from incompatible dominance styles can be prevented in these stages, by highlighting the glaring incompatibilities. 

But what happens if a person changes from who they were through vetting and negotiations? While change and personal growth are normal and encouraged, some people mask their true intentions until a dynamic has been established; this is manipulative. It may be important to evaluate the individual to understand if this manipulation was intentional, or subconscious. While manipulation as a whole is generally nefarious, how intentional manipulation is handled oftentimes varies from how subconscious manipulation is handled. Next steps on addressing protocol changes that result from manipulative masking during the vetting and negotiation stages may heavily rely on what kind of manipulation happened.

Once a dynamic is established, and protocol is broken by the dominant, there are two possible directions things can go: 

The Dynamic Ends

Let's be clear, intentionally nefarious manipulation should always result in the end of a dynamic. It breaks all of the foundational virtues of BDSM. It is abuse, which is not kink. 

But there are times where broken protocol can result in the end of a dynamic without nefarious manipulation. Recognizing that the dynamic is not fulfilling because of consistent protocol breaks, or that domination styles are not compatible, can end a dynamic without anything nefarious. If a protocol break crosses boundaries in a way that the submissive feels they cannot be reconciled, this could also end the dynamic. 

If this is the path chosen, it is best practice to have a mature conversation about ending the dynamic and moving on separately. If nefarious manipulation causes a concern for safety, it wouldn't be mandatory to have the conversation before simply ending the dynamic. 

Attempted Reconciliation

If all parties involved agree that ending things isn't the way to go, then it's time to attempt to reconcile things. This starts with the foundational pillar of Communication. That's right, a mature conversation needs to happen. This conversation should identify the broken protocol, how it breaks the foundational virtues (specifically the pillars), and how it can be reconciled. 

Punishments for Public Protocol Breaks

Old Guard Conclaves

In OG practices, sometimes a conclave of other dominants can be called upon with the goal of holding the offending dominant responsible for breaking protocol. Essentially, the group of dominants act as judge and jury to decide if protocol was broken, and how it should be reconciled. However, there are many flaws to this practice in terms of how the modern day BDSM lifestyle is practiced. 

• With many practitioners being in long distance situations, or even exclusively online, it is extremely hard to hold anyone accountable through the internet. The offending dominant can easily ignore, block, and not follow through with reconciliation. 

• Corruption within conclaves is also an issue, even on a minor level. At some point, everyone will break at least one of the foundational virtues. We are human, we are not perfect. However, it makes it difficult to hold someone accountable for an infraction another conclave member may have made; making the conclave hypocritical in their judgment.

• Because of corruption, you can also see bias in judgment and reconciliation. Finding a group of "perfect" dominants is dang near impossible - again, we are all human.

Blacklisting

If protocols are broken in a public space, like at a kink event, those in charge of that event or space can hold dominants accountable for breaking protocols by blacklisting them. The offending dominant would then no longer be welcomed in those spaces or at those events. It is also worth noting that community members talk, so another member of the community may take that information to another space, and the offending dominant could find themselves blacklisted at events or spaces they have never even attended. For nefarious protocol breaks (like abuse), an offending dominant could find themselves blacklisted from public spaces for things that happened privately at home.

Blacklisting is also common in online spaces, like kink themed groups, chats, and even apps. Blacklisting online could look like removal from those spaces, being blocked from spaces, and potentially even being outed in spaces as someone who breaks protocols. 

It is important to understand that blacklisting is usually the result of nefarious protocol breaks, and not simple protocol breaks that could happen within a dynamic. Some examples of nefarious protocol breaks could be: abuse, ignoring safe words, not gaining consent, purposeful improper use of fetish equipment, excessive public intoxication, drink spiking, creeping/stalking behaviors, etc. A good rule of thumb is that if it would get you thrown out of a bar, it can get you blacklisted.

Punishments for Private Protocol Breaks

Punishments for Dominants

Could a dynamic agree to a punishment that the dominant would carry out if they break protocol? Yes, one of the many things I repeat is that every dynamic is unique to the people involved. What works for one dynamic may not work for another, and dominants being punished is included in that uniqueness.

However, there are many concerns behind this method. Ultimately, a dominant serving a punishment for broken protocol messes with the agreed to power exchange within the dynamic (for the sake of this article, we are assuming the dynamic does not include switch roles - those will be touched on later). 

It puts the submissive in a dominant role.

When a submissive is in charge of coming up with punishments, or even being held responsible to point out protocol breaks and thus begin the punishment process, this shifts the power control to the submissive. Correcting and managing punishments is inherently a dominant role, and generally the opposite of most agreed upon power exchanges. When power exchanges are perverted in this manner, there’s usually no going back. 

Perverted Power Exchanges - The Beginning of the End

Again, for the sake of this article, we are not including dynamics with switch roles. 

When power exchanges are perverted, and the submissive suddenly is forced to act as the dominant, it can create a lot of animosity and internal conflict. The submissive is being forced to step into a role they don’t identify with. “It’s not who I am, and I don’t want to be forced to be someone that I’m not.” 

This is usually when we see the dynamic start to break. It often times triggers a subconscious loss of respect towards the dominant, despite their efforts to reconcile the situation. In general, dominants are held to a higher standard than submissives, because the dominant is the one who is given and holds control in the power exchange. They set the bar for their submissive to meet, through agreed upon protocols. The onus is on dominant to lead the dynamic - that’s the whole point of the power exchange, and because the dominant role holds so much power and responsibility, they are held to a higher standard. The dominant is in a position to have the ability of easily breaking someone physically, mentally, and emotionally. The standard for a position that can easily misuse their power, has to be high. 

While a submissive can break a dominant, it is usually not as easy to do within their role. However, when you have a submissive who has to step into the dominant role, it suddenly becomes very easy for the submissive to mentally break the dominant role - even unintentionally. In the dominant’s mind, what can happen is a decrease in confidence, heightened self-consciousness, extreme guilt, and questioning self-identity. If the dominant can’t even control themself, can they control someone else? Does that make them less of a dominant? Does that even make them dominant at all? Being given and then serving a punishment puts them in the submissive role. Do they identify that way? Should they? With the submissive having the ability to switch roles, does the dominant hold any power at all? Should power be repeatedly tossed back and forth? Is this the power exchange dynamic that was agreed upon anymore?

That’s a lot of internal struggle, which typically leads to the dominant losing confidence in their ability to be dominant, and consistently questioning themselves. A dominant in this struggle is more likely to hesitate, or even back off from the dynamic - which leaves the submissive now feeling unfulfilled in the dynamic, and even regretting their decision of bringing up protocol breaks in the first place. A submissive who is left regretting bringing up something that bothers them, is more likely to allow their boundaries to be broken, and open the door for potential abuse in the future. 

When you start messing with the power exchange, it starts messing with people’s heads. 

Where Do We Go From Here

At this point, we unfortunately see the majority of dynamics end. What’s worse is those thoughts and experiences are now carried with you. When you move on to another dynamic, those past experiences are like skeletons in the closet and they can affect future dynamics.

• As a submissive, you may be more hesitant to give your trust. You may find yourself being unfairly biased to a potential dominant because “this is what happened in the past,” or even “maybe I’m too much.” You could also find yourself more willing to overlook possible dangers in a potential dominant because “it couldn’t be as bad as what I just went through,” or “bringing those things up will just get me hurt again,” or even “being able to be back in my submissive role is a breath of fresh air.”

• As a dominant, you may be less confident in your skills and avoid a potential submissive because “they seem like too much.” You could even be questioning your involvement in the BDSM lifestyle all together because “am I really capable of being dominant,” or “can power just be taken away on a whim,” or simply “do I even fit in here at all?”

• As a potential future partner, you have more to consider during vetting and negotiations. This person has experienced trauma within the lifestyle and will need extra patience. They may need more guidance, redirection, or even more protocol as they work through their past. You have to understand there will be extra hardships that can be tricky to navigate if you continue to pursue something with this person. You may need to be more flexible in your power exchange, and focus more on building good communication and trust, and be less focused on kinky play. 

These are all possible skeletons you may carry if you didn’t try to fix the dynamic at all, and simply ended things as soon as the break in protocol happened. However it’s usually the submissive who carries the skeletons, and then the entire responsibility of fixing things is on the submissive - the dominant is out of the picture, and has a life lesson of “don’t do that again,” but the mental struggles aren’t there. 

The Black and White Reality

When we look at the repercussions of broken protocol, it seems very black and white; like a tiny infraction could result in the entire dynamic ending. It seems harsh, and almost like the dynamic is doomed from the start. The last thing anyone wants in a dynamic is to have to walk on eggshells. But this stark reality is directly related to the standard we hold the dominant role to. Remember, the dominant role has a very easy ability to break a person in many traumatic ways. With great power, comes great responsibility, and the expectation that you misuse that power - even unintentionally. With such devastating consequences, the standard has to be high. 

A Note on Switches

I promised I’d talk about including the switch role, but I only have a few key things. Adding the switch role into the mix can reduce the feeling of perverting the power exchange, because the switch doesn’t have an aversion for stepping in or out of a specific role. However there could still be aversion if one partner is a switch and the other is not. Even if both partners are switches, it still blurs then line of power exchange.

Some more food for thought: if a switch breaks protocol while in the dominant role, they are still being held to that dominant high standard. To then carry out that punishment while in a submissive role, the weight of that punishment is lost. Carrying out a punishment as a submissive has very different connotations to it than carrying it out as a dominant. The headspace is very different than when the infraction happened. Does the punishment lose its meaning? Does it have the same effect? 

Is There Any Hope

Is there any possibility of a dynamic bouncing back after the dominant breaks protocol? Can reconciliation happen at all? 

Yes, of course. While this article focuses on the potential negatives of how to handle broken protocols, and very much gives a “worst case scenario,” dynamics can certainly bounce back after broken protocol. It’s not easy, you have to put in the work and the effort, but it is possible. It starts with communication and rebuilding trust and respect, and it requires a hell of a lot of honesty. 

Simple breaks in protocol may just need some good communication, an apology, and a bit more effort. Some breaks in protocol may require all that and changed behavior. Big breaks in protocol may require going back to negotiations and starting all over. 

After communicating? The possibilities are endless. You’d be surprised what good communication can do.  It this point it’s really up to you as to what happens. The timeline of rebuilding and fixing is entirely up to you. What needs to happen, is a decision you have to make together. That isn’t anything I have credentials to guide you on, it’s just part of the uniqueness of the dynamic.

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Tips for successful communication

• Be honest. Identify what you find hurtful, and why you find it hurtful. Your partner may not even realize how important this protocol was to you.

• Offer possible solutions. If you know how to prevent the problem in the future, say so. Be open to ideas on how to prevent and problem solve. Be willing to find what works for you.

• Have and hold your boundaries. Rebuilding and rectifying the problem should never require you to violate your boundaries. 

• Actively listen. Your partner is telling you something they feel is important. Honor and respect them by listening - not just hearing - what they have to say. Don’t listen for a place to respond; listen to understand. 

• Understand an apology isn’t always going to cut it. Your partner may need more than just a “sorry it won’t happen again.” Saying sorry is usually just the first step. If it’s unclear what they need from you, ask.

• When apologizing, be sincere. Apologies don’t make excuses, they don’t push blame. They take accountability. Apologies are more than just words; they are changed behavior, and sincere actions that show we understand and are accountable. 

• Don’t be distracted. Get off your phone and turn off the TV. This is a serious conversation that will determine the future of your dynamic. If you have to, hold hands and sit face-to-face to help keep your focus where it needs to be.

• Remember nothing is fixed overnight. Actions and changed behavior take time to show. Trust takes time to rebuild. Having this conversation isn’t going to magically make everything all better; it’s simply the starting point. Communication isn’t the solution; it’s a tool to achieve the solution, and probably the most important one. 

• Be open to help. You may find this process is too much for the two of you to handle alone. Mentors, therapists, and supportive people can all be helpful tools to navigating this. Asking for help is possibly the bravest thing a person can do. 

Sadism

Sadism refers to the enjoyment of inflicting physical and/or emotional pain - whether sexual or otherwise - on someone else. It is important to remember that not all forms of sadism involve taking pleasure in pain, rather, it involves taking pleasure in affecting others. 

Sexual sadism is a form of sexual expression, with the most common activities including spanking, biting, bondage/handcuffs, and verbal humiliation. Pain has the ability to heighten sensations, excitement, and sexual arousal. Sadomasochism is usually scene specific, making it different from Dominant/submissive dynamics.

• Sadist: the d-type or top who is in control of another's pleasure mentally and/or physically, stimulating them through pain.
• Masochist: the s-type or bottom, who allows another to control their pleasure through pain.
• Sadomasochism: the psychological tendency or sexual practice characterized by both sadism and masochism. 

Sadism Development

Sadism is no longer considered a disorder unless it causes "significant emotional anguish" or done without consent. While the stigma around kinky sadism has reduced, it is still important to know that self-harming acts are still considered a mental health issue, even if it is instructed by a sadist partner. 

• Algolagnia: arousal from the sensation of pain.
• Paraphilia: persistent and recurrent sexual interests, urges, fantasies, and/or behaviors of marked intensity involving objects, activities, or even situations that are atypical in nature. There are eight major recognized paraphilias, including Sexual Masochism Disorder, and Sexual Sadism Disorder. Paraphilia is a clinical concept with specific diagnostic criteria, whereas a kink is a descriptive term for diverse sexual expression.
• Rhabdophilia: the paraphilia associated with arousal from being beaten or punished.

While there are no concrete scientific explanations on how sadist desires develop, or why, there are a few theories.

Unresolved Oedipus Complex:

This concept was created by Sigmund Freud and is often used to support the idea that sadism develops as a result of a disturbed personality development. Check out "Angst, Lust, Zerstorung: Sadism als soziales und kriminelles Handeln" by Nikolaus Becker and Eberhart Schorsch for more information on this theory. 

Compensation

Another theory is that sadism compensates for unpleasant events by sexualizing them. This was originally theorized by Robert Stoller, who concluded that sex is a positive contrast to pain, and that one could turn a painful experience into something more positive. Stoller often explained sadism as "an erotic form of hatred" that was rooted in childhood trauma that created hostile fantasies of revenge in order to rewrite past traumatic experiences. Check out "Perversion: The Erotic Form of Hatred" by Robert Stoller for more information on his theory.

Pavlovian Conditioning

Piggybacking off the previous theory, this one assumes that sexual arousal can develop through suffering and be reinforced through repetition. For example, masturbating during sadistic play and fantasies, could connect pain as a pleasure source. For more information on Pavlovian Conditioning, check out this wikipedia article.

Types of Sadomasochism

Physical

This type of sadomasochism includes the infliction of physical pain. Some examples include impact play, pressure points, forced orgasms, breast/clit torture, cock and ball torture (CBT), rough penetration, biting, hair pulling, needles and play piercing, knife play and artistic cutting.

Emotional

Emotional sadomasochism focuses on psychological pain. Despite not having visual marks, this can still have profound impacts on a participant. Some examples include humiliation, degradation, mindfucking, and fear play. 

Sexual vs Non-Sexual

Sexual sadism is the need to cause pain during sexual acts as a way to increase excitement and pleasure. It relies on the conjunction of pain and pleasure.

Non-sexual sadism usually has a sexual origin, but isn't expressed sexually. It is more about exercising fantasies of omnipotence.

Compensatory sadism is the replacement of sexual acts with the act of inflicting pain. The sadistic preferences will completely replace sexual acts. 

Types of Kinky Sadists

Service Sadists

Similar to a service top, the satisfaction for this sadist comes from bringing their partner to satisfaction. Examples of Service Sadists include Master/slave dynamics, sensual and soft d-types, and even Adult/little dynamics that include "funishments" and punishments.

Disciplinary Sadists

These sadists teach lessons through pain. Lessons are explained thoroughly so that a never ending cycle of punishment doesn't form. These sadists often use surrender and submission, as well as s-type maintenance. 

Action Sadists

These sadists take pleasure from the power they feel when using their tools, and from their actions. Examples of this could include impact play, wax play, needles and play piercings, knife play, and artistic cutting.

Roleplay Sadists

Usually with an implication of character motivation that makes the sadist role enticing, these sadists enjoy affecting their partner through a scene-given role. Some examples of this sadist role include being the beast in primal play, being the owner in pet play, being the hunter in damsel play, and being the vampire in vampirism play.

Reaction Seeking Sadists

These sadists enjoy seeing how their actions affect their partner. Some examples are crying, sexual denial, edging, squirming, tickle torture, and sissification.

Tormenting Sadists

These sadists enjoy tormenting others to bring about suffering. Sadistic activities include cucking, degrading, fear play, consent-non-consent (CNC), and blanket consent. 

Tyrannical Sadists

Pairing well with Tormenting Sadists, as they appeal to those who have feelings of powerlessness in their personal lives, these sadists want to dominate their partner and make them feel like they have no choice. Sadistic activities include dollification, body modification, internal slavery, and forniphilia (human furniture).

Before Sadistic Play

As with all types of play, it is crucial to gain informed consent from all parties involved. This includes learning what limits your partner has, what is good types of play and what is not, and establishing safe words and safe signals. This is also the time to discuss the different methods for ethical play, and figure out what will work best for you. 

Pro Tip: If you're looking for info on methods for ethical play, check out this article to get you started. For help on safewords and safesignals, check out this one. For learning about boundaries and limits, start here.

Learning some basic human anatomy will be crucial if your sadistic play includes risky play like impact play, heavy bondage, or artistic cutting. It might also be a good idea to build your own personal Risk Profile, and discussing the risks of these types of play. 

Trauma Informed Consensual Kink (TICK) may be a topic to dive into if your partner has past traumas that may arise or be triggered during play. Ensure that you have a customized first aid kit and aftercare kit that is catered to your partner and the kinds of play you will be participating in. 

Always remember the difference between BDSM and abuse. Sadistic play can get out of hand quickly, and there is always risk that the play dives into paraphilia, which is not part of BDSM. If you feel unsafe or in crisis, do not be afraid to reach out for help.