In the dawn of social media memes, and the glamorization of dark romance novels, the boundary between consensual play and abuse gets muddied. And that's a problem. I've seen various memes floating around the past few years about "how close-to-being-abuse rough play is what my partner likes." That's just not the reality of this lifestyle, and while some play can be risky and rough, it is never "close-to-being-abuse" rough due to one great detail: willing and enthusiastic consent. Kink play is never about how rough you can get; it's about the freedom to express and experience pleasure consensually, without the constructs of societal expectations. When we glamorize these types of memes, behavior, and talk, we put Kink play and abuse on the same spectrum. It's not a spectrum. It's two vastly different things, and there's no gradual slide from one to the other. Kink play vs abuse is a very black and white concept, with no in-between.
For many outsiders, the play that BDSM practitioners choose to take part in, can seem risky, taboo, and even unethical. There are a handful of different methods practitioners use to ensure safety and be mindful of consent. These methods provide the distinction between what is consensual play, and what is abuse. Let's discuss them.
SSC: Safe Sane & Consensual
The popularity of safe, sane, and consensual play spread like wildfire in the kink community due to our lovely addiction: the internet. Originally coined from David Stein in the 1980s, who was wished a "safe and sane" July 4th celebration, he applied this concept to kink play and added "consent" to address the sometimes sexual nature that kink play can include. Safe, Sane and Consensual was never intended to sum up or even apply to the entire kink community. That said, it is probably the oldest and most well known and common ethical framework for kink play. A drawback to this method is the emphasis on safety seemed to prevent some people from engaging in risky kink play and activities. Further, not everyone agrees with the idea that kink must be - or can be - safe.
RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink
For those who practice riskier kink play, RACK may be a better fitting method than SSC. In RACK, consent is still key, but the "sane" aspect has been removed, as it could be considered discriminatory towards those with mental illness. Some practitioners also felt that the idea of "sane" painted riskier kink play in a bad light. RACK allows practitioners to plan a scene and play within the boundaries of the consenting parties, without insinuating that risky kink play is insane. RACK does refer to "kink," which ignores practitioners who may not have a sexual element in their practice and play. Because of this, RACK is often unwelcome in political or academic venues when discussing the validity of BDSM and ethical play.
PRICK: Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink
From the idea of RACK came PRICK. This method puts the onus of personal safety on each individual practitioner. The concept is that each practitioner is responsible for their own safety, including informing partners of risks, using safe words, and knowing what their own comforts and limits are. This removes the onus from a singular person in the play (usually a d-type), and instead levels the responsibility across all participants. It is important to know that this does not lessen the responsibility a person may have for the safety of their partner during play. Rather, that both individuals are equally responsible.
CCCC: Caring Communication Consent Caution
Also known as the 4Cs, this method is more common in total power exchanges (TPE), 24/7 power dynamics, and Master/slave dynamics. The framework assumes that when you care for someone, you'll keep their best interests in mind. Not assuming that you love the other person, just that you care. CCCC explicitly labels communication as an important factor. Communication includes negotiations, vetting, safe words, aftercare, and more. It is important to communicate your needs, desires, and expectations to your partner, so that everyone is well informed. CCCC also reminds practitioners to play with caution, as some activities may be risky, but it specifically avoids using the term "risk" the way RACK does. This is to avoid using negative language in relation to kink play and BDSM practices. CCCC focuses instead on the positives that will be utilized in kink play and BDSM dynamics.
BORK: Balls Out Risky Kink
