These are highly controversial practices that are often seen as unethical. The terms use mythical creatures to emphasize just how unrealistically perfect and rare a person would need to be to willingly fit into this dynamic.
This dynamic typically involves a couple who are looking to add a third person to their relationship. The couple operates strictly as a single unit, and the newcomer is forced to date, love, and have intercourse with both members of the couple equally. Having romantic feelings for only one member of the couple usually results in the couple ending the relationship with the newcomer. There is usually a long list of relationship rules that the newcomer is expected to confirm to without any voting power, input, or equity in how the household is run. The newcomer is typically required to be exclusive to the couple, which removes their autonomy. This kind of practice also objectifies and fetishizes bisexual people, treating them as a shiny "sex toy" or just an experience to spice up a bored marriage, rather than a full human being with an independent life.
Hunting + Swinging
The caveat is the separation between hunting in polyamory vs hunting in the swinging lifestyle. The swinging community views hunting for a bisexual person for a consensual hookup, casual threesome, or simply joining them within the swinging community, as completely ethical. The behavior becomes toxic and unethical when hunting is used by a couple as a trap to be exclusive in a relationship where the person is denied equal rights and human agency.The Rarity of Dragons
The difference between Unicorns and Dragons is primarily gender and sexual orientation. Both terms however, describe a single, bisexual person who is open to joining an established couple. Dragon Hunting is less common due to cultural biases. Societal factors like biphobia and homophobia mean heterosexual-identifying men in couples are less likely to seek out another man as a third.Reflection
- How will I handle a "split chemistry" scenario? If a new connection develops feelings for one partner but not the other, what happens? Does this trigger a break up to "protect" our original relationship, or can we support them dating just one of us independently?
- Do I have the power to negotiate boundaries? When I voice my discomfort or request a change in protocol, do the other parties listen and adapt with me? Or do they retreat behind closed doors and come back with a unified verdict that I must accept?
- Am I confusing a relationship with an intimacy act? If what we truly want in our relationship is the excitement of a casual encounter, fun hookup, or weekend play parter, can we take the pressure off and look for an ENM or swinging connection instead? Am I treating a person's emotional heart as a toy for a relationship bucket list?