RADAR allows for de-escalation and compartmentalization when discussing difficult subjects and process emotions, without interrupting planned dates or intimacy.
- Review - partners sit down, look back at the past month, and check on how they are feeling. This also allows for time to review the action items and agreements from the prior meeting to see how they were executed.
- Agenda - before diving into deep talks, partners create a strict list of topics they want to cover. Common topics include scheduling and time sharing, sexual health updates, metamour dynamics, finances, upcoming travel plans, and family commitments.
- Discuss - partners then move through each agenda item one by one and discuss them. The goal is to check in on each category even if things are going well, to ensure that positive areas are celebrated and that minor grievances don't become resentments.
- Action Points - the discussion must pivot towards concrete, achievable and highly specific goals for the upcoming month. These goals are written down and reviewed at the following meeting.
- Reconnect - processing heavy relationship topics can be draining, so the framework strictly mandates an intentional ending. Partners exit the logistic headspace by sharing appreciations, exchanging compliments, hugging or engaging in a relaxing activity together.
RADAR Template
Date:Location:
Time:
1 - Review (est 10 minutes)
Look back at the action points from the last meeting. What worked well? What still needs attention?
- Item 1:
- Item 2:
2 - Agenda (est 5 minutes)
Quickly list the topics you both want to cover today. Do not start discussing them yet, just name them so you can see the full picture.
- Partner A's Items:
- Partner B's Items:
3 - Discussion (est 45-60 minutes)
Go through the items listed above, one by one. Take turns speaking, practice active listening, and focus on a collaborative problem-solving.
- Section A: Logistics + Calendar
- Topics: (travel, childcare schedules, events, etc)
- Notes:
- Section B: Finances
- Topics: (shared bills, budget, big purchases)
- Notes:
- Section C: Relationship Health + Emotions
- Topics: (quality time, intimacy, processing emotions)
- Notes:
- Section D: Sexual Health + Dynamic Changes
- Topics: (regular testing, fluid bonding, polycule changes)
- Notes:
4 - Action Points (est 10 minutes)
For the items discussed above, write down clear, tangible tasks. Who is doing what, and when?
- Partner A agrees to:
- Partner B agrees to:
5 - Reconnection (est 10+ minutes)
Put the notes away. Intentionally close the business side of the relationship and return to being partners.
- Gratitude - share at least 2 specific things you appreciate about each other from the past 2 months.
- Closing Ritual - a long hug, ordering favorite foods, watching a movie, taking a walk, whatever activity you'd like to reconnect.
Reflection
- Am I showing up with an open agenda or an ambush? Am I sharing my intended discussion topics with my partners before the meeting begins, or am I keeping things hidden and blindsiding them with a long, intense list of grievances the moment we sit down?