The term Monogamish was coined by the advice columnist Dan Savage, and teeters on the border between strict monogamy and open relationships. This makes it a popular stepping stone, or comfort zone for many couples who want stability with a bit of flexibility.
**This is not a polyamory specific term, but tends to pop up in overlapping spaces with polyamory.
Core Features
- Monogamous Base - the couple considers themselves monogamous 99% of the time, sharing a traditional committed relationship together, including home, finances, families, and emotional exclusivity together.
- Exceptions =/= Lifestyle - this isn't swinging, or an open relationship, or polyamory. It's not an ongoing activity or identity, rather it allows for infrequent, situational, or opportunistic flexibility.
- Hall Pass Dynamic - outside connections are treated as casual, isolated incidents and not ongoing secondary relationships.
Common Flexibilities
- The Long-Distance Rule - partners are allowed to have causal encounters only when one of them is traveling out of town or away for business.
- The Hall Pass Rule - a agreement that if either partner ever has the chance to hook up with a specific predetermined person (like a celebrity), its allowed.
- Look But Don't Touch - allowing for intense flirting, dirty dancing at a club, or online chatting with outside people, but keeping physical intimacy off-limits.
- The Occasional 3-Way - the couple remains exclusive except for rare occasion when they invite a third person for physical intimacy.
Reflection
- What triggers my jealousy in a "mostly closed" space? If my partner flirts intensely or has a one-time encounter, would I feel replaced, or can I view it as an isolated event that doesn't threaten our life together?
- Where do I draw the line between flirting and a breach of trust?
- How much detail do I actually want to hear? Will knowing the specifics of my partner's outside encounter be ok, cause me anxiety, or make me overthink?